So I've been writing a journal nearly every day since 1992. This activity was suggested to me by Julia Cameron in her book The Artist's Way. I write and write and write, I do not reread my words, and I delete my journal immediately after I write it. Until today. I've decided to share a typical journal of mine. Yes, I've reread this one. It's kind of an update to where my head is at these days. I thought it was relevant. Here it goes.
People are hurting. Ego is running rampant. I've been contemplating some old song and dance about suffering, you know, the wheel of dharma, life-death-rebirth, mindless wandering. It is happening all over the place. I feel it too. I was getting buried by it in NYC, and I spent the last three years in Virginia deconstructing self. I locked myself in my apartment. I got out every once in a while because I thought I needed to. I took some photos. I taught a few classes. It all felt like a struggle. I'd run a few laps on the Dunbar track. Finally I realized I hadn't done a headstand in over a year. So I did a headstand and I felt my internal organs squish all over the place. I told Dee that I wanted us to meditate together. That didn't go so well. I was out of practice. I turned to my bible for guidance—The Sivananda Companion to Yoga—which I bought used, for $5, back in the late 80s. I read the book nearly every day now. Dee asked if we could do some yoga together. I thought being a teacher had some real upside, so I said, sure, let's get on our mats. I bought a URL that would support the type of yoga I wanted to teach. Blah, blah. This is a terrible journal. But anyhow, we have been dancing every night for a good while now, so I figured, let's do the yoga every night too. But it was actually Dee that has inspired both the dancing and the yoga. I think she knows that both of those things have helped us stay sane and loving and together. I think she is changing her name to Elle, or something like that. She's going to get a tattoo in Baltimore. I think. I support all of her. She has saved us. And our yoga is nutrition and positive thinking and meditation and asanas and breathing and rest. I am practicing being a teacher by instructing out loud. I say stuff like, until we realize that we are all part of pure consciousness, we will forever continue on the wheel of suffering. We, our ego, is not separate from the world spirit, the Absolute. So we sit with our wisdom hand supporting our compassion hand and we relax. We detach. It's been going well. I am thinking about becoming a certified yoga teacher. I have one student that keeps showing up, every night. I can tell that she is goodness and positivity. It is in her voice. I am her.
At peace, relaxed, and liberated.
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