Dear President Trump,
I want you to be great. I really do. So in the spirit of your legacy I'd like to make a suggestion. I've been doing some research and I noticed that starting in 2001 our government has really jacked up the number of executive branch czars. Some of my favorites are the asian carp czar, the cyber czar, the ebola czar, the faith-based czar and the weatherization czar. Good folks doing the best they can. But maybe we can do better.
IMHO I think you should appoint a love czar ASAP!
Your personality and methods, Mr. President, are what they are. I have no judgements really. You have reasons for being and doing what you do. But again, IMHO, I think you come off as a bit mean spirited. You're kind of an arrogant bully. Hey, it is what it is. At one point in my life I was just like you. But I evolved. Thanks to the help of my friends, who are, I hope, proud Americans.
A little bit about me if I may. Just recently I appointed my good friend Dee W as my personal love czar. I created this executive branch, if you will, out of necessity. It was either create a love czar or go bonkers. I chose creativity. I think you'd really like Dee W. She is gentle and curious and effortlessly positive. A real find. Her official title is, for funsies, Director of the White House Office of Love and Compassion Policy. Right?!
Dee W is my savior. She created an essential balance to my ever changing emotions. I have so many feelings. I sometimes find myself wandering down the cold wet road of negativity, doubt and darkness. And believe me when I say that I may appear all lovey dovey on the outside, but girrrrl, don't get me started about the rage. Dee W is the light. She is goodness. Light, dark. Good, evil. Yin, yang. Masculine, feminine. These polarities are inevitable. No getting around them. The antidote is balance.
I know this is a lot to digest. Your head is probably swimming right now. But take a deep breath, visualize your greatness and what do you think about Melania? She'd make an awesome love czar! Melania knows you. Her familiarity is key to the success of, dare I say, your legacy. She will look you in the eye and say, "Honey, that idea is whack." She won't back down. Mama will tell it like it is. Melania is the light. She will provide our nation with the balance that is necessary to make America great again.
P.S. If you want to borrow Dee W's official title, go for it. I'm cool. Mi casa es su casa, bro.